Music is Life Itself- Choosing the Right Funeral Songs

I visited a fantastic funeral director recently and was visibly relieved when he talked about ceremonies with a tangible enthusiasm for the original! From the artwork choices on the order of service, to the floral arrangements, he openly supported clients who want to be individual and creative. He mentioned music as a particular issue; clients often ‘play it safe’ with their selection, and whilst there is absolutely nothing wrong with a bit of ‘I Did it My Way’, or a congregation singing ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’, this only really works if these songs were genuine favourites of the loved one passed, and dare I say, can even make a funeral ceremony seem formulaic. Forgive me for stating the obvious: there are infinite choices of music and perhaps that is where the problem lies…

Planning a funeral takes a considerable amount of emotional energy, at a dark and often painful time. Perhaps choosing music seems frivolous and less important than the spoken word. I politely disagree- nothing evokes memories like music does. Nothing will make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up like a song from the past, loved by the person you are there to celebrate and say goodbye to. When you get it right, it punctuates the ceremony perfectly, almost narrating each part in an individual way.

So, how do you choose the very best songs for a funeral? You could start with your loved one’s favourite artist. Oasis songs are very popular, though I would argue that one is enough. Choosing ‘Wonderwall’ or ‘Don’t Look in Anger’ is an obvious route- but most music fans have favourites- B-sides, live versions, early tracks and so on. So, how about ‘The Masterplan’ or ‘Little by Little’? They are both rousing, both beautiful. The online platforms celebrants and crematoriums use have a world of music to choose from and thankfully, you no longer have the chore of burning CDs and hoping for the best.

We often assume funerals must include sombre music, yet the funerals we remember, often include BIG party tunes, soul classics and pop bangers. Why not include Stevie Wonder, the Chemical Brothers or Public Enemy, alongside a slower, more delicate tune?

Classical, opera and jazz music can be tricky if you don’t know much about them, but celebrants can advise- you hum it, we’ll find it. Arvo Pärt’s 'Cantus' was written in memory of his great friend so is very poignant for a funeral, or perhaps you could choose something grand for a final farewell such as 'Aida: Grand March' by Verdi- a big song for a big personality.

Musical theatre is more popular than ever- 'Defying Gravity' from Wicked, would surely give goosebumps to mourners, or perhaps something more meloncholic such as 'Bring him Home' from Les Misérables. A real character who lived their life to the full, might approve of ‘Life is A Cabaret’ from Cabaret. 'Hushabye Mountain' would be gentle and ‘lullaby-esque’ for a child, from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

You might feel that a sing-along is appropriate- the popularity of the ‘primary school banger’ has been surprising, but it seems we love the community act of singing simple hymns such as ‘When I Needed a Neighbour’, and ‘Let it Shine’. Singing can be immensely cathartic, and it doesn’t have to be stiff or awkward.

There really are no limits. That said, it is important to think of the timings. An entrance song needs to be regulating- everyone will be emotional and even fearful of what is to come. A reflection song needs to give space and time for thought. A committal song depends on circumstances surrounding the person and their passing- it isn’t a time for questionable taste. The exit song…well that really can be anything, but it must have that closing quality- a heartfelt goodbye, and lead into whatever celebration of life is following the ceremony.

I named this blog, ‘Music is Life Itself’, a quote from the wonderful Louis Armstrong. Our passing is as important as any part of our life, so music is the perfect way to honour a loved one.

If you are looking for a celebrant that values the process of finding the perfect songs, then please give me a call, or drop me a message via email, or my contacts form. I promise to help you get it just right.