What’s in a Naming Ceremony?

The great philosopher (!) Madonna Ciccone, once said:

“I sometimes think I was born to live up to my name. How could I be anything else, but what I am, being named Madonna? I would have ended up a nun or this.”

I love this quote because essentially, she is recognising the power of her name and its cast iron link to her identity. William Shakespeare may (if he were here) argue she could be called by any other name and ‘smell as sweet’, but I beg to differ. Madonna’s name is synonymous with her image, her personality and her talents.

So, selecting a name, whether for a child, born or adopted, or someone marking their true gender identity, is a very big deal. Most of us don’t get to choose, of course- we are given a name at birth, and we may love it or otherwise, but any name becomes linked intrinsically with WHO WE ARE.

Some background: cultures around the globe celebrate the arrival of new life and as part of this, the naming of infants. A naming ceremony places a child in the family, the community and the world- it is an opportunity for optimism and joy, regardless of the choice of rituals or words. In ancient cultures, some ceremonies took place immediately after the birth, with others being weeks or months later, acknowledging the survival of the child at a time of high infant mortality.

In the UK, naming ceremonies would have most often been religious (Christian) in nature, linked to baptisms. Water would be used to symbolise purity, poured or sprinkled on the child’s head to be cleansed of sin and welcomed into the world and Christian community. Naming would also take place in front of family and godparents, chosen as protectors for the child. They were spiritual, religious ceremonies but also communal, with people gathering in places of worship. Many of us still have artefacts from such ceremonies- religious jewellery, books, gowns and other gifts. I still have my Robert Louis Steveson Garden of Verses anthology, though I lost my silver cross, worn during my fashion era of emulating Madonna’s earlier image (the popstar, not the mother of Christ).

As British society has changed and became more diverse and secular, religious ceremonies have become less called for. However, there is still a desire to celebrate new life and naming, so a demand for secular ceremonies is growing- people still want to mark their child’s naming, unique identity and place in the community, and may still choose loved ones to be assigned a role in their lives.

Celebrant-led naming ceremonies provide families with the opportunity to craft bespoke and inclusive ceremonies full of love and hope for a child’s future, interweaving cultural, spiritual and family traditions, without the religious commitment. Ceremonies represent families and their values and beliefs. Family members and friends can be involved, adding a communal feel to the proceedings that is binding and joyous, whatever the age or birth story of the child.

Not all naming ceremonies are the same- and many adaptions can be made. An adoption, for example, may require a ceremony and words for an older child. The usual pregnancy and birth elements will not apply but how wonderful to include the process of the adoption, what led the parents to adopt, and how this gift of a child became their son or daughter; the wonder of parenthood and hopes and dreams of the parents will come into play as with any naming ceremony. There may be siblings, so incorporating a ritual such as sand pouring would signify the joining together of a family, beautifully.

A gender affirmation/renaming ceremony is also a joyous occasion with someone unveiling their true self, using the ceremony to mark their identity and new name with their loved ones. This ceremony can go all out in terms of celebration, but any words could also acknowledge the journey to the day- the courage and conviction of the person. Music choices will enhance the ceremony, with songs that celebrate identity, courage and renewal.

Indeed, there are so many wonderful enhancements for naming ceremonies! Songs, rituals, reflections, and of course, readings. Poetry is a clever addition, because in fewer words, it describes more. This poem, by Joanna Miller, is a beautiful verse of a loved one’s hopes for their child:

Wishes for a child

May you know the gift of friendship,

Feel the sun upon your face,

May you win displaying dignity,

And accept defeat with grace,

May you marvel with the wonders,

Of nature and the earth,

May you value education,

And know your own true worth,

May you live and love with honesty,

And do the thing that’s right,

May you stand up for the homeless,

And sleep in peace at night,

May you thrive upon a challenge,

And sing and dance and laugh,

May you know the joy of parenthood,

And follow your own path.

Extracts from great children’s literature are also perfect- how about Oliver Jeffer’s beautiful letter to a new child?

Here we are

Well, hello.Welcome to this planet.

We call it Earth.

It is the big globe, floating in space on which we live.

We’re glad you found us, as space is very big.

There is much to see and do on Earth, so let’s get started with a quick tour.

The planet is basically made up of two parts.

Firstly, let’s talk about the land.It’s what we’re standing on right now.

We know lot’s about the land.

Then there is the sea, which is full of wonderful things.

We know a lot about the sea, but we’ll talk more about that once you’ve learned to swim.

There is also the sky.

Though that can get pretty complicated…

OK, moving on.

On our planet, there are people.

One people is a person.

You are a person.

You have a body.

Look after it, as most bits don’t grow back.

The most important things for people to remember are to eat, drink and stay warm.

People come in many shapes, sizes and colours.

We may all look different, act different and sound different…but don’t be fooled, we are all people.

There are animals too.

They come in even more shapes, sizes and colours.

They can’t speak, though that’s no reason not to be nice to them.

You may not be able to speak yet either, even though your head is filled with questions.

Be patient, you’ll learn how to use words soon enough.

Generally, how it works is that when the sun is out, it is daytime and we do stuff.

The rest of the time is night, when it is dark, save for the moon and we sleep (Please?).

Things can sometimes move slowly here on Earth.

More often though, they move quickly, so use your time well.

It will be gone before you know it.

Though we have come a long way we haven’t quite worked everything out, so there is plenty left for you do.

You will figure lots of things out for yourself, just remember to leave notes for everyone else.

It looks big, Earth, but there are lots of us on here, so be kind.

There is enough for everyone.

Well, that is planet Earth.

Make sure you look after it, as it’s all we’ve got.

Now, if you need to know anything else … just ask.

I won’t be far away.

And when I’m not around … you can always ask someone else.

You’re never alone on Earth.

For a gender renaming, I think this is a very strong poem by Joshua Jennifer Espinoza, evoking the strength of being trans, but also the struggle for acceptance:

The Moon

The moon is trans.

From this moment forward, the moon is trans.

You don’t get to write about the moon anymore unless you respect that.

You don’t get to talk to the moon anymore unless you use her correct pronouns.

You don’t get to send men to the moon anymore unless their job is to bow down before her and apologize for the sins of the earth.

She is waiting for you, pulling at you softly,

telling you to shut the f*** up already please.

Scientists theorize the moon was once a part of the earth

that broke off when another planet struck it.

Eve came from Adam’s rib.

Etc.

Do you believe in the power of not listening

to the inside of your own head?

I believe in the power of you not listening

to the inside of your own head.

This is all upside down.

We should be talking about the ways that blood

is similar to the part of outer space between the earth and the moon

but we’re busy drawing it instead.

The moon is often described as dead, though she is very much alive.

The moon has not known the feeling of not wanting to be dead

for any extended period of time

in all of her existence, but

she is not delicate and she is not weak.

She is constantly moving away from you the only way she can.

She never turns her face from you because of what you might do.

She will outlive everything you know.

How you choose a name for yourself or your child is an intensely personal act. You may choose one with meaning, or you may just love the way it sounds and floats through the air when spoken. All names are special- you may have always known your future child’s name, or your own, or you may look to lists, celebrities or family history for inspiration.

Whatever the naming story, I craft imaginative, inspirational ceremonies that not only celebrate the name, but the identity, with a warm welcome into a family or community. If you would like to get in touch, we can book a discovery meeting and begin co-creating something that is celebratory and sets out your hopes and dreams for a future of fulfilment and happiness, even if that means becoming a pop legend…or a nun…